Ah, it is finally the month of February. A time for romance and relationships, booing at couples on Valentine’s Day and buying yourself a bunch of ice-cream. It may still be cold outside, or finally warming up for you, but one thing’s for sure is that a spark of fiery passion has ignited through the hearts of most of the writing world. What a wonderful time indeed! Fortunately, I am immune to this phenomenon, and so I’m here to talk about something I find to be often disregarded in this season of romantic love, and that is the value of platonic relationships in the media. Although they are often overlooked among their romantic counterparts, there is something special about friendships that needs to be addressed. Even if I’m unable to completely persuade you of their importance, here’s to hoping that I’ll at least change your perspective a bit. For a long time, I tried to put into words exactly how I felt about the over abundance of romantic relationships compared to platonic relationships in the media. It seemed like any two characters in any book, movie or television show (from Trolls to Across the Spiderverse) had to be paired romantically in order for the story to properly conclude. There was no way for a story to have a satisfying end if they remained friends, because friendship just simply wasn’t enough. It wasn’t until I found the following quote from Hanya Yanagihara’s A Little Life, that I was able to really able to get a clear description of my thoughts: “Why wasn’t friendship as good as a relationship? Why wasn’t it even better? It was two people who remained together, day after day, bound not by sex or physical attraction or money or children or property, but only by the shared agreement to keep going, the mutual dedication to a union that could never be codified.” This was everything I had wanted to express and more. Friendship is something so much deeper and more profound than finding simple attraction in someone. It’s about companionship at its core, and finding the people who understand you. People who you won’t tire of. People who will stick with you for no other reason than enjoying your presence. All of this can be said of romantic relationships as well, but I think that friendships are a bit of a return to basics. For the most part, you don’t have to worry about friends sharing their friendship with others, or if you’re emotionally capable of becoming friends with someone. It isn’t really much of an active decision as it is a growing bond that only strengthens over the years. Now, this isn't in any way mocking or devaluing romantic relationships. I believe that the concept of finding a soulmate or companion to accompany throughout life is in some ways much more complex and intricate than friendships. Romantic relationships are beautiful and definitely highly sought after, making them something that appears in our media quite often. The only thing I’m trying to prove is that platonic relationships are just as important and beautiful, and should be valued at the same level. Friendship is often seen as a lower form of relationship, or a temporary settling point before evolving into the much desired “romantic relationship”. Once again, I will refer to the beautifully written quote above and ask, why is this? Friendship is a union that cannot be codified. Even as I write this article, I find it hard to explain some of the main differences between romantic and platonic relationships (aside from the obvious physical differences, which still vary from person to person). I love the idea of liking someone simply because of their aura, or similar interests or a sort of kinship that compels you to stick together for an extended period of time, mutually benefiting each other. At the same time however, I like the idea of loving someone because of their personality, because they are beautiful to you and you wish to build a life with them. Both of these are such special types of relationships. Looking at them objectively, why is one placed over the other? Romantic relationships have become one of the must-haves in life. Not having friends is one thing, but not having a romantic partner by a certain age is another. It prompts questions, confusions and a “reasonable explanation” because who in this world could possibly not want to have an s/o? Not only is this attitude exclusionary to those who are ace/aro-spec, but it also promotes a toxic ideology. The idea that having a romantic partner will make your life better or suddenly make you happy is completely false. This false notion can not only push people who are not ready into relationships, (which can have a wide range of miserable effects) but also pressure people into staying in relationships that they’re not happy in. Society needs to stop pushing the idea that romantic relationships are the end all be all of life (they are not, point blank), and I think one of the best ways to do that is to start emphasizing the importance of platonic relationships. Remember, humans are social creatures. We all need some form of companionship in our lives. Both of these types of relationships have their ups and downs and pros and cons. Neither is inherently better than the other. There’s thousands of people out there in romantic relationships who are living perfectly content lives, and there are thousands of people out there with platonic relationships who are doing just fine. I don’t know about you, but I’d love to see some more valued friendships in the media. Not the friend as a side character to help the MC get their love interest, or silently looming around as a foil for other characters. I want more books about friendship breakups, about finding new friends and the importance of connection, about two friends going on a journey together and becoming closer (platonically closer) at the end of the day. Give me stories about a pair of best friends who know everything there is to know about each other, and are perfectly content with being friends, regardless of whether they pursue romantic relationships or not. Friendships are important, and in this month of romance, why don’t we show them some love? Jaidah-Leigh Wyattis a Canadian-Jamaican student, slowly making her way through the writing world. She aims to not only write, but be impactful and play her part in making the world a less judgemental and more accepting place for people everywhere.
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